I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and she kept going on and on about her boyfriend, she talked about how smart, good looking and gentle he was. She went on to say that they had been dating for over 20years and I was shocked so I asked what are you guys waiting for? Why don’t you get married? And her response was MARRIAGE RUINS EVERYTHING.
She went on to say that she had been married a couple of times and none of them seemed to last for more than 5 years. She said the men were good, they were in love but that there was just something that seemed to happen once they got married and it ends up ruining everything and now that she isn’t married to her boyfriend they have been together for over 20 years.
Sad to say but there are many people out there who feel the same way. However, marriage itself does not ruin relationships rather; the people involved are the ones who do ruin it.
When dating or courting, people tend to be generous and not selfish. They tend to pull out all the stops to make each other happy; they find time for each other.
For some strange reason when people get married I think they develop this “sense of duty”…… they tend to get carried away by their spousal duties that they forget to nurture the thing that brought them together in the first place.
The fact that you are married should come with benefits/blessings attached to it. Marriage shouldn’t be a curse. Marriage is supposed to be an upgrade or an enhancement to your relationship…….
When you say something has been enhanced or upgraded, it means that it has been empowered to yield better results. God instituted marriage to yield better results. That’s when I hear scriptures like “1 can chase a thousand but 2 can put 10 thousand to flight I get excited because I know that as a married lady I and my spouse have been empowered to cover more grounds.
In as much as marriage leads to having kids, more responsibilities, it should also lead to creating a stronger and enjoyable bond between you and your spouse. It shouldn’t lead to the end of the loving relationship you shared with your spouse prior to marriage.
Proverbs 4:18 But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day. In order words the law of diminishing effect shouldn’t be taking place in your marriage. In a marriage context, the love that exists should only get stronger and stronger. If yours seems to be diminishing, you better start seeking positive ways to fan the flames.
When things start going sour I’ll advice you to:
- Start with a relationship check. You and your spouse need to assess your relationship with God. Make sure that the communication lines between you, your spouse and God are still open.
- Try to find out what has changed in each other between your dating years and now. Look out for things that could have changed for example not spending enough time together, the probability that you might be taking your spouse for granted, etc)
- Make sure that you are not keeping your marriage in the back seat while you focus on other things such as kids, work, pleasing other people etc.
Finally, this list in no way exhausts all the possible causes for problems in marriages. Please feel free to add some more suggestions so that other readers will be informed.
Having said that, marriage is such a beautiful thing and it’s an empowerment to prosper or cover greater horizons. You may reading this article and you are married and you may not getting along with your spouse or your marriage doesn’t look like it has been empowered to prosper in order words your marriage doesn’t look either appealing or attractive . I want you to take a moment and think about what you desire your marriage to be (loving, financial breakthroughs, quiver filled with healthy and well behaved kids, peaceful, etc).
Hold your spouses hands if you can and begin to speak these words into your marriage. For it is God’s desire that you walk in the fullness of the blessing that marriage has got to offer.
This is wonderful!!! Very encouraging for those moving towards marriage:)
Wao!keep d good work going.am blessed
This is really true…Marriage is a blessing from God.When things seem to go sour and you’ve tried all you know to do,don’t feel ashamed to ask for help.Not from psychologists,but from your Pastor.One who is anointed of God to take care of you spiritually.These people will be guided and inspired by God to relate with you based on your unique circumstance,and proffer the solution.Some times certain things that happen are demonic,and the Pastor can detect it and cast it or them out.
If you don’t belong to a Church join one today,and have a Pastor…
Im encouraged to go and marry. Thanks
very good.
Very educative. Nice one, will be marrying soon.. Keep the good work/right ups.
Marriage is unique to some, bondage many and not necessary for others. A happy married life depends on the parties involved. Communication helps. If you are not getting what you expected, talk to your spouse and be loving about it. Do not keep malice with your spouse for a long time because it weakens the relationship and also communicate clearly and at the right time. If you don’t get results, go to your pastor for counseling. For those that are not married, marriage is the tertiary phase of a relationship. Talk to God concerning your marriage and he’ll see you through. Finally for those who do not see it as necessary, marriage is a blessing from God that comes with so many gift items like prosperity, harmony, peace, joy, love, etc. I wish everyone all the best in Marriage.
The difference between dating and marriage is responsibilty and committment. Because humans are prone are prone to doing what they do, most people don’t like marriage because of the boundaries it draws. Submission to the entire package of marriage is α̲̅ continuous conscious effort. You don’t make it once and expect it to carry you through. Just thw way ur phone runs out of credit and you need to recharge; so do we run weary of our committment because of daily events and need to again. Re commit and re dedicate to the marriage.
Wow! Tanx. God bless you!
Very insightful post Jaelash.
One of the problems also is that couples don’t make long term planning during dating. They are cocooned by the love that they forget that there is a day-after. A day after the wedding, a day after the kids arrive, a day after the conquest is won.
When all thoughts end on ‘getting married’ we may be tempted to think that the work ends when the marriage is consummated. The right thing to do is to have a long vision and envision the love blossoming with age and seeing the kind of family we will love to have just like we envisioned the kind of romance we will have each weekend during the dating period.
My husband and I have been together for 10 years, we eventually got married in December 2012 and in those 3 months it has been horrible!
Just before we got married he got cold feet, i said if he felt like that we shouldn’t go ahead, but he said he got over it.
The day came and it was amazing, i loved it!
Ever since has been like a nightmare, i am so down and don’t know what to do. I work a full time job, i do work for my dad’s company as a second job (which i don’t get paid for) and i am doing a course. I am expected to come home and do all the cooking and cleaning it is so tiring. I would quite happily do all the cooking and cleaning if i didn’t have all of the other stuff to do while he just sits there. Intimacy has completely disappeared and we are only in our late 20s!
I am so sad that we made this commitment to each other and God and this has happened. How long am i supposed to put up with it? It is supposed to be the happiest time of our lives