The Habitual Forgiveness seeker

I read a Facebook status update some time ago that said “a successful marriage is made up of two people who know how to forgive” and I just stumbled upon another one that talked about how the inability to let the past go hinders successful marriages.

All these are good and true however whenever I come across messages such as these, my mind goes out to those whose spouses repeatedly commit certain crimes against them and continually seek forgiveness for the same thing.

The fact that someone apologizes over something does not necessarily mean that they have changed.

Anyone seeking forgiveness should be repentant. Repentance involves reviewing your actions admitting they were wrong and making a personal commitment to turn away from such an action. So before you seek forgiveness, be ready to change your ways.

Usually when you seek forgiveness from a spouse, kid, friend or even God the general idea should be this will not happen again. When you seek forgiveness for the same thing over and over again it becomes quite difficult to forgive or let go because this is a constant reminder of your failed promises.

Most times the habitual forgiveness seeker has mastered the art of seeking forgiveness such that they know the soft spot of the offended so they tend to use the soft spot to gain forgiveness.

There is so much an offended person can take and when the person gets to his or her limit you will be tossed aside like a sack of potatoes either physically or emotionally in order words you seize to be relevant to them .

God calls people to change from their negative ways. He calls us to repentance if you change then that’s good but if you do not and you keeping on wasting precious time by the time you are ready it may be too late.

Things to note about repentance

  • The longer it takes for you change your ways, the deeper the wounds and the longer it takes to mend broken fences.
  • The earlier it takes place, the earlier you begin to foster positive growth and yield good results

Things to note when seeking forgiveness

  •  You are seeking forgiveness for something you want to stay in the past and not something that keeps reoccurring.
  • When seeking forgiveness, you should note that there is a difference between the PAST and PRESENT CONTINOUS. The past is gone and never to return while the present continuous happened in the past, just happened and the habitual forgiveness seeker probably took a break to nurse the guilty conscience for a while and would most likely repeat the crime.
  • We are humans and we make mistakes however the PAST is not a habit but the PRESENT CONTINOUS is.

DISCLAIMER: I am in no way inciting unforgiveness between Couples I am only saying that it’s unfair to keep on toying with another person’s emotions all in the name of forgiveness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Marriage, Harmony, Music and Orchestra

london-symphony-orchestra-51c7000f86f1a

No two marriages are the same each one has its own dynamics associated with it. What works for one person may not necessarily work for the next person.

However there are certain things that are constant in all marriages one of them being the two people involved and their ability to work together and live in harmony.

When we think about harmony I want us to picture a large instrumental ensemble like the orchestra which is made up of lots of instruments and musicians with every instrument having its own unique sound, the musicians know when to increase the crescendo, and when to decrease. Basically they all know what to do and they do a good Job.

One notable thing about the orchestra is that there is always someone who stands in front to lead the musicians. He is the conductor and according to Wikipedia, “The primary duties of the conductor are to unify performers, set the tempo, execute clear preparations and beats, and to listen critically and shape the sound of the ensemble.

Conductors act as guides to the orchestras and/or choirs they conduct. They choose the works to be performed and study their scores to which they may make certain adjustments, work out their interpretation, and relay their ideas to the performers”.

Let’s come back to the issue of marriage. Harmony in marriages cannot be over emphasized. A marriage is not a one man show where one person is the star of the show. It takes peace, harmony, unity, oneness in spirit soul and body and this can only happen when each person seeks instruction and direction from the conductor (GOD) because he is the author of the music called marriage. As a couple, not only should you see God as the author of marriage, you should also see him as your personal trainer because he knows how to fine tune your individual strengths and curb your excesses, he has a way of loosening tight muscles like pride and his brothers. Like the conductor of the orchestra, he knows the kind of sound he wants to hear and the type of emotions he wants to evoke.

There is nothing as annoying as when someone writes a good script for a movie or even writes good lyrics for a song with good beats and someone or a group of people do gross injustice to it by releasing a subpar performance. Now that is annoying.

All I am trying to say is this…. The Idea behind marriage is for 2 people to come together complement each other, work in one accord have good experiences that lasts a life time and BEYOND.  I used the word beyond because you may not know it but there are people watching and learning.

Couples willing to get to a better place in their marriages should be willing to work with God individually then apply what they have learnt in their marriage. You may not get it right the first time but as the saying goes, practice makes perfect and for those whose spouses are not willing to put in any effort, you should not be discouraged you can give God something to work with

Ezekiel 22:30

30 And I sought for a man among them that should make up the hedge, and stand in the gap before me for the land, that I should not destroy it: but I found none.

Make yourself available to him and he will work with you to cause a change.

 

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10 commandments for wives

Ten commandments for wives

Intro: Definition of the home:

  1. Little boy’s: “It’s where we eat!”
  2. Teenage girl’s: “It’s where we go between midnight & daybreak when all else is closed.”
  3. Husband: “It is where we go to fight our private battles.”
  4. Wife: “It is where we slave the hardest and are appreciated the least.”
  5. “Home is where the great is small and the small is great.”
  6. “Home is where our stomachs get three meals a day and our hearts a thousand.”
  7. “Home is a place where a world of strife is shut out and a world of love shut in.”
  8. “Home is where we complain the most, but have the greatest blessings.”

Commandment #1:

Expect not thy husband to give thee as many luxuries as thy father hath given thee after many years of hard labor. (Phil 4:11; Amos 4:1)

Commandment #2:

Thou shalt work hard to build thy house with the husband that you have, not fantasizing about “the one that could have been”. (Prov 14:1)

  1. Fond Footsteps. I was visiting friends who had just celebrated their 54th wedding anniversary” The husband entered in his work boots, heaving clods of dirt behind him on the spotless kitchen floor. Expecting the wife to be upset, I said, “His boots certainly do bring the dirt in.” “Yes,” she said with a smile as she got up to get the broom. “But they bring him in too.” by Shirley Scott

Commandment #3:

Thou shalt not nag…hit him with thine frying pan, it is kindlier. (Prov 27:15; 21:19)

If the husband says…

Wife replies…

Sarah called Abraham Lord and walked 50 feet behind him.

God told Abraham to listen to the voice of his wife and obey all that she says Gen 21:12

Folding laundry is woman’s work

Jesus neatly folded his laundry in the tomb John 20:7

Cooking is woman’s work

Jesus cooked breakfast by the sea Jn 21:9

Making the bed is woman’s work

Peter commanded Aeneas to “arise and make your bed” Acts 9:34

Acts 6 “We can not neglect the word of God to serve tables”

Did you notice that the apostles appointed 7 MEN

If I go to all the trouble of making a mess, the least you can do is clean it up.

If you go to all the trouble of making all the money, the least I can do it spend it!

Cleaning the house is not my work

Jesus cleansed the temple: Jn 2:13-16

Commandment #4:

Thou shalt coddle thy husband and be a warm wife. (1 Cor 7:3-5)

The wife should not defaud the husband of his due. We know what the guys never grow tired of

What due does a man owe his wife?

  • To woo and coddled
  • bring flowers
  • tell her how pretty she is
  • take her out on romantic dinners
  • tell her how much you love her
  • tell her how much she means to you
  • You know…all the things you did when you were dating!
  • Do women ever go tired of these things? Its a bottomless pit. Seems silly to a man
  • Until he forgets her birthday or VALENTINES DAY HINT.
  • Husband says: “I know how much you and your girl friend Marsha love this stuff
  • Why don’t the two of you buy each other flowers and go out on a candle lit dinner?

Commandment #5:

Remember that the frank approval of thy husband is more to thee than the side glances of many strangers. (Ezek 16:32; 2 Pet 2:14)

Commandment #6:

Thou shalt not yell at thy husband but will be a gentle and quiet spirit. (1 Pet 3:1-4)

  1. I have counseled a couple where the wife natters at the husband and he leaves for another room. She follows him into that room and continues nattering. He kept going from room, floor to floor, till finally he hit her. She wasn’t hurt or bruised, but he should have just left. But did the wife share in the reason for getting hit?

Commandment #7:

Permit no one to assure thee that thou art having a hard time of it. (1 Pet 5:9)

  1. Husbands: Low self esteem was ranked as the number one problem among women.
  2. Ask your wife after church today if she feels you respect and feel she is important!

Commandment #8:

Thou shall not fail to dress up for thy husband with an eye to please him, as thou didst before marriage. (Sos 4:9-11)

  1. I have a saying, that a women enters middle age when she cuts off her long hair very short.

Commandment #9:

Thou shalt submit to thy husband from thy heart and allow him to be head of the household. (Col 3:18; 1 Pet 3:6; Eph 5:33)

Patterns Of Submission & Headship In The Bible
Submission Headship Bible Texts
All creation God Jas 4:7; Heb 12:9
Christ God 1 Cor 15:28
All Creation Christ 1 Cor 15:27-28;Heb 2:2;Eph 1:20-23;Phil 3:21;1 Pe 3:22
Church Christ Eph 5:24
Church Leaders 1 Cor 16:16; 1 Th 5:12;Heb 13:17 (minister=servant/under rower)
Children Parents Eph 6:1-4; Col 3:20-21; Lk 2:41-52; 1 Ti 3:4
Young men Older men 1 Pe 5:5
Slaves Masters Eph 6:5-9; Col 3:22-24; Tit 2:9-10; 1 Pe 2:18-20
Citizens Government Rom 13:1-6; 1 Pe 2:13-15; Tit 3:1
Every Christian To Others Eph 5:21
Wives Husbands Eph 5:22-24; Col 3:18; Tit 2:5; 1 Pe 3:1-7; 1 Cor 11:3

DO IT YOURSELF!

In Gen 18:6 Abraham said to Sarah, “Make ready quickly, three measures of fine meal, knead it and make cakes.” Can you imagine Sarah answering, “Do it yourself”? This attitude would have been out of character for her because “Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord.” 1 Pe 3:6 A wife’s big test of faith is if she will submit to her husband when he is unreasonable and selfish, or when she knows she is being wrongs by his attitude. Jesus never asks us to do anything He has not already done Himself! Bible subjection never implies inferiority but rather strength!

Commandment #10:

Thou shalt assure thy husband and others that he is the greatest man alive. (Phil 2:3; Sos 5:9-16)

if you missed the 10 commandments for husbands here it is

http://jaelash.com/10-commandments-husbands/

Culled from http://www.bible.ca/f-10com-wife.htm

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10 commandments for husbands

Ten commandments for husbands

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INTRO:

  1. The Bible is God’s “instruction manual” for happy human living. There is no other book on earth that will bring about inner peace and eternal life. One thing that most men have in common is that they are married.
  2. Unfortunately, because we live in an “amoral” (morally neutral) society, most who enter into marriage have little training. Isn’t it bizarre that a doctor trains for 7 years, a teacher 4 but there is virtually no training for becoming a husband. You can’t take a course in university that certifies you as a husband…the closest you can come is a “bachelors” degree.
  3. Here are 10 principles for husbands that are found within the Bible.

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COMMANDMENT #1:

Thou shalt not take thy wife for granted, but will honour and respect her as thy equal. (1 Pet 3:7)

  1. Husband, are you treating your wife as an equal and granting her your highest honor? If not God says he will not answer your prayers!
  2. Selfishness is a marriage killer. For many men they think they are better than their wife simply because they are men. These men have made a serious judgment error. Husbands, tell your wife how important and valuable she is to you. Watch for the loving smile on her face when you do! The Proverbs writer said, “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.” Prov 31:10-11 Notice how the wise husband trusts his wife’s judgments and realizes how fortunate he is to have her.

Dysfunctional Headship

Proper Headship

The world’s way

God’s way

Gives orders without asking or permitting questions, thinks wife not as smart Asks questions, seeks to truly hear, suggests alternatives, desires imput-learns from others
Makes demands, dishes out directives, lays down the law, cracks the whip-but doesn’t delegate Deligates authority & responsability; Respects freedom & dignity of others, keeps reigns loose
Insecure in personal identity and authority and is therefore defensive if challenged Secure in self-identity, understands his authority, views challenging as positive
Requires compliance regardless of consent or agreement Values willing cooperation, works for open agreement and understanding
Pushes and manipulates, one man rules in a ridged over-under position Leads, attracts, persuades personal relationships in side-by-side identification
Says, “You do, you must do”, or “Yours is not to wonder why, yours is but to do or die”! Says, “Come, let’s do, we might have done, can we try”
Depends on external authority to motivate others Depends on internal integrity to motivate others
Generates friction, resistance, resentment, separates and isolates people Generates acceptance, co-operation, reconciliation, unites and helps persons relate to each other
Leads by command and threat Leads by example, understanding and kindness
Asks others to do things he would not Asks others to do only those things he has already done (like Jesus)

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COMMANDMENT #2:

Thy highest allegiance, except God, shall be to thy wife, not thy relatives or friends. (Gen 2:24)

  1. How often does the husband honor his blood family over his own wife?
  2. Such is a recipe for disaster!
  3. In-law problems are often the result of a husband who allows his mother and father to interfere in his relationship with his wife.

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COMMANDMENT #3:

Thou shalt frequently tell thy wife how important & valuable she is to thee. (Phil 2:3; Prov 31:10-11)

  1. Selfishness is a marriage killer. For many men they think they are better than their wife simply because they are men. These men have made a serious judgment error. Husbands, tell your wife how important and valuable she is to you. Watch for the loving smile on her face when you do! The Proverbs writer said, “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.” Prov 31:10-11 Notice how the wise husband trusts his wife’s judgments and realizes how fortunate he is to have her.
  2. God gave women the authority to make important decisions too:
    • They are workers in and managers of the home:
    • 1 Ti 5:14: (Greek: oijkodespotevw “to rule/manage the house”)
    • Tit 2:5 (Greek: oikodespotes literally, “house ruler”)
    • A wife’s judgment can be better than her husbands: Nabal & Abigail: 1 Sam 25:3,17,25,32
  1. Sleepless in Seattle (movie) Radio commentator asks man who was missing his dead wife, “Tell me about your wife”. “How many hours do you have?” Immediately 3000 single women jammed the radio station switchboard trying to get his number for a date! Why Because he was sincerely praising his wife! Why did they want to date a complete stranger? Because the one thing they knew was that this man possessed the rare quality of praising his female companion. If he did it for his former wife…he would do it for them!
  2. Judith Viorst: “Brevity may be the soul of wit, but not when someone’s saying “I love you.,’ When someone’s saying “I love you,” he always ought to give a lot of details: Why does he love you? How much does he love you? When and where did he first begin to love you? Favourable comparisons with all other women he ever loved are also welcome. And even though he insists it would take forever to count the ways in which he loves you, let him start counting.” ­ Redbook

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COMMANDMENT #4:

Thou shalt hold thy wife’s love by the same means that thou won it. (SOS 5:10-16)

  1. Men persue their future bride with doting ceaseless attention. Once married the husband views marriage as a goal accomplished an on to other of life’s challenges. He then gives his ceaseless doting attention to the job, the boys or anything but his wife. She on the other hand viewed marriage not as a goal met, but as the beginning of a relationship. She viewed his doting attention as a down payment of attentions to come. He viewed it as a means to merely get her to say “I DO”.
  2. This guy really WON the love of his future wife. He looked good because he groomed his appearance for her. He smelled good, because he regularly bathed and gargled. And he spoke words of “sweetness” to his love. But give many husbands a few years of marriage and they let their appearance and hygiene slip. But worst of all the sweetness towards their wife is gone. The wife proclaims to her friends, “Did he ever change after we said ‘I do’!” Guys, if you want the nights to be hot, you best start warming up your wife in the day with words of kindness.
  3. Buy your wife flowers on a regular basis.

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COMMANDMENT #5:

Thou shalt actively establish family discipline with thy wife’s help. (2 Timothy 3:15; Ephesians 6:4; Deuteronomy 6:6-9)

  1. Few would argue that the wife is the primary parent involved in the daily task of interacting with the children. But God has placed the father as the head of the household and that means that you must work hard along side of your wife in establishing family discipline. Many fathers leave the majority of the work of raising the kids up to the wife. In child custody cases, the mother almost always get control of the kids, not because she is a better parent, but because she is the one who has been most involved with them. God commands fathers in Ephesians 6:4 “And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” You must be directly involved with your children. And then be careful not to “provoke” them to anger, because you have not really taken the time to understand exactly what happened and why. Some fathers alienate their children because they hastily dish out too harsh a punishment because they want to get back to their TV show or reading the paper. To these husbands, children are an interruption imposed upon him by the wife. Sad indeed.
  2. Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it. Prov 22:6
  3. POEM: “PLEASE, DADDY, WON’T YOU GO?”
    • A little girl’s bright shining eyes with face aglow,
    • Says: “Daddy, It’s time for church-Let’s Go!
    • They teach us there of Jesus’ love, of how he died for all,
    • Upon the cruel cross to save those who on Him will call.”
    • “Oh, no,” said Daddy, “Not today. I’ve worked hard all week,
    • And I must have one day of rest; and I’m going to the creek.
    • For there I can relax and rest; and fishing is fine they say.
    • So run along; don’t bother me, we’ll go to church some day.”
    • Well months and years have passed away,
    • but Daddy hears that plea no more;
    • “Let’s go to Bible school.” Those childhood days are over.
    • And Daddy’s grown old, life’s almost through,
    • He finds time to go to church, but what does daughter do?
    • She says: “Oh Daddy, not today-I stayed up half the night;
    • I know you know that church can wait…you understand my plight!
    • Then Daddy lifts a trembling hand to brush away the tears,
    • As again he hears the pleading voice, distinctly through the years.
    • He sees a small girl’s shining face upturned, with eyes aglow,
    • As she says, “It’s time for Bible school; please,
    • Daddy, won’t you go?”
    • (Author Unknown)

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COMMANDMENT #6:

Thou shalt remember to do all the little things for thy wife when you say you will. (Mt 5:37)

  1. Jesus instructs all Christians, “let your statement be, ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no’ and anything beyond these is of evil.” Mt 5:37. Husbands, when you say you will do something for your wife, have the consideration to do it! Why should she justifiably nag you?
  2. Your wife shouldn’t have to get you to sign some binding oath to get you to make the bed, take out the garbage or take her out to dinner as you agreed. By doing what you say you will, you earn her trust in other areas.
  3. Ever wonder why your wife reacts is a funny way?

Wife’s Reaction

Husband’s Action

When the wife feels insecure. The husband is not being a spiritual leader.
When the wife takes matters into her own hands and assumes the leadership role. The husband has allowed problems to continue and even get worse.
When the children rebel, the wife blames her husband. The husband has not supported his wife in disciplining the children.
When the wife becomes resentful of financial pressures. The husband has been spending extra money on things he enjoys.
When the wife feels inferior and jealous. The husband praises or admires other women.
When the wife feels unable to totally give herself (body, soul and spirit) to her husband. The husband only verbalizes his love when he wants a physical relationship.
When the wife feels frustration from not knowing how to please her husband. The husband doesn’t praise her for specific things.
When the wife turns to others who will listen to her true feelings. The husband doesn’t make the time to listen to his wife.
When the wife feels unprotected. The husband has not been alert to the dangers which his wife faces.
When the wife feels inadequate in trying to meet her husband’s physical needs. The husband has been lusting after other women.
When a wife mentally gives up and loses all hope The husband is prideful, never in the wrong, loses his temper to stay in control and never asks for forgiveness.

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COMMANDMENT #7:

Keep thine eyes on thy own wife, not thy neighbors. (Prov 5:15-20; Job 31:1; Jer 5:8)

  1. The Proverbs writer says it this way, “Drink water from your own cistern, And fresh water from your own well… Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love.” Prov 5:15-20
  2. The ultimate sacrifice that a woman makes in child bearing is her figure. And the media is filled with 17 year old models who are not yet graduated high school and never done a hard days work in their life!
  3. Job was wise when he said, “I Have made a covenant with my eyes; How then could I gaze at a virgin?”
  4. Job 31:1 But we find that for many, the words of Jeremiah apply, “They were well-fed lusty horses, Each one neighing after his neighbor’s wife.” Jer 5:8

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COMMANDMENT #8:

Thou shalt make every effort to see things from thy wife’s point of view. (Gen 21:12)

  1. Abraham is a man whose wife actually called him “lord”. Sarah had an insight on a personal family matter and Abraham felt that she was wrong. “But God said to Abraham, “Do not be distressed because of the lad and your maid; whatever Sarah tells you, listen to her” Gen 21:12. Did you catch that? God told Abraham to obey his wife! He had not taken the time to see things from her point of view. Husbands and wives often live and think in different worlds. A wise husband will “listen” to his wife before God steps in and forces him to. Foolish husbands are arrogant “power-trippers” who know it all, refuse to listen to their wife and fall flat on their face.
  2. “Live with her in an understanding way since she is a woman” 1 Pe 3:7

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COMMANDMENT #9:

Thou shalt not fail to kiss thy wife every morning. (SOS 8:1)

  1. Do you know why the “kiss and ride” commuter drop off area’s are so popular? Just ask the wives who drop off their husbands for work. A recent TV program documented that the wives loved it. Here they had a “legitimate” reason to expect a kiss from their husband. Husband, when you leave the house for work, give her a kiss. When you come home, tell her you love her and give her another kiss.
  2. Here, in the Song of Solomon, a future wife speaks of her love and desire for a kiss. “If I found you outdoors, I would kiss you; No one would despise me, either.” Sos 8:1

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COMMANDMENT #10:

Thou shalt not be stingy with thy wife when it comes to money. (Esther 5:3)

  1. King Ahasuerus was married to Queen Esther. Look how generous he was with his wife! He said to her, “What is troubling you, Queen Esther? And what is your request? Even to half of the kingdom it will be given to you.” Esther 5:3
  2. Now in modern marriage law, many might wonder why this man is being praised for giving his wife the half that already belonged to her. However, back then this was an incredible offer of generosity! How many wives have to grovel and beg for a few dollars while he lavishly spends on himself

Culled from http://www.bible.ca/f-10com-husb.htm

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Our Little Intern’s

When a Child is born, the child begins a journey to becoming whom God has created him/her to be. A child is born to parents whom God has entrusted with the mandate to train or prepare them for the future.

The Bible say’s “train up a child in the way he should grow and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6). This scripture defines internship.

Based on the scripture above I would like to deduce that the role of a kid in the family is that of an INTERN.

An Intern is someone who undergoes training in a specific area of concentration for a period of time in order to gain some experience.

Most of the time when this scripture is quoted, we think about raising well-disciplined kids, we make sure they get some Jesus in their lives by exposing them to godly things. We send them to the best schools that we can afford in order to secure a better future . We generally make sure that they are actively involved in things that would foster growth and success.

However we should not fail to understand that in as much as we get our kids engaged in diverse forms of active training, they also learn passively.

All parents have been given the heavenly mandate to mentor their kids knowing fully well that whatever they learn during their internship is what they are going to take into the world.

Ideally, if they are sent to school to study medicine, when they are done with the active medical training they should practice medicine.

Likewise if they spend their internship period watching their parents fight, yell, curse, treat people with disregard or treat people nicely the kids would most likely do the same thing when the training period is over.

As Parents we are custodians of our kids and the bible says “kids are the heritage from the lord” (Psalms 127:3a)

When God gives us an inheritance he expects us to enjoy, nurture, cultivate, yield good fruits for a day will come when we will be held accountable for what we did with the inheritance that was handed over to us. The giver of the Kid will show up one day as an auditor asking for what we did with the talent that was handed over to us.

Predominantly as a mum, things could be very rough trying to joggle my busy schedule so most of the time I am just tempted to go through the motions not really paying apt attention to my interns don’t get me wrong I cook, clean, do whatever I need to do but with my new outlook on my responsibility to my kids I have decided to pay attention to every detail.

Let’s face it the kids are interns and once their time is up they’ll get married, get independent and leave house and guess what? They are going to live out everything they learnt both actively and passively.

Let’s make up our mind not to send out half-baked kids into the world and have them groomed properly. No cutting corners!

At the end of the day you will be glad that you have stable and well-grounded kids …….The society needs lots of these.

Finally when God comes knocking on your door asking what you did with the gift he gave you? You would gladly say I multiplied the gift because your kids will be out there affecting and changing lives one at a time.

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Divorce truths

I have heard statements like ‘we woke up and suddenly realized that we were strangers’, ‘ I didn’t see the divorce the coming’, ‘if anybody had told me I would be getting a divorce I would have laughed them to scorn’ etc.

Truth be told suddenlys’ and surprises with regards to divorces and separation in marriages are a little bit over rated. Suddenlys’ seem to crop up when you choose to ignore the salient truths that have been staring at you.

The breakdown or destruction of any marriage is a gradual process. It happens by overlooking the little the things that do not seem to matter.

In every marriage or relationship, every negative deviation from the normal trend, regardless of how minute it may be, has the potential to break your home. Have you ever heard the phrase ‘little foxes that spoil the vine’?

Every marriage should be considered a vine that has the potential to yield great fruits or results. When a normal person decides to get married, they do not plan to get married expecting the marriage to fall apart. However, if the desired outcome of the marriage is divorce, it should be considered a success because divorce was part of the original plan.

Just like the owners of vineyards protect their vines (investments) from foxes by making sure that the foxes do not have access to the vines, so do couples have to do all it takes to keep out everything that either threatens or has the potential to threaten your marriage.

Songs of Solomon 2:15 says

“Catch us the foxes,
The little foxes that spoil the vines,
For our vines have tender grapes.”

 

I love the first line that talks about ‘catching the foxes’. In a marriage you encounter foxes like strife, malice, suspicion, people, un resolved issues etc. You need to make up your mind from the beginning that you wouldn’t let anything come between you and your spouse.

Note to couples:

  • Leave no issues pending or unresolved. All issues must be resolved
  • Confront and address any form of suspicion and make sure all cards are placed on the tables. (This should be done without screaming or yelling at each other.)
  • Be careful in your dealings with people and at all times, remember you and your spouse are to present a united front.
  • Always bear it in mind that there is no issue that is beyond repairs.

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Love truths

Love means different things to different people, some are for love, and some are not. Some people who claim to hate it still go out in search of it. Almost everyone talks about love; they sing about it, write about it, preach it and even fight for it. Some people describe love as a temporary butterfly feeling in your stomach when you see the person you are supposed to be in love with. This makes me wonder what happens when the butterfly feeling is no longer there.

The truth in a nutshell is this: too many people struggle with the idea called love, they get into relationships hoping to find love but are actually unsure as to what love actually is. Here are some salient truths about love

Love is patient – If someone actually loves you they will be patient with you. Ask all the lovers out there and they will tell you the amount of ‘crap’ they take from their loved ones, they may also tell you that they wouldn’t be able to take an ounce of it from someone that they are not crazy about. Note if you are dating someone who is always impatient, now that’s a definite RED FLAG.

Love is kind not vicious or malicious.

Love covers multitudes of sin – in order words it forgives. Beware of people who keep up dredging up the past. If you can’t move beyond the past hurts it means there can be no future; so call it quits and stop wasting precious time.

Love is fearless – The bible says perfect loves casts out all fear. If you are in a relationship and you always feel threatened by the other man or woman you need to address such issues as soon as possible before that which you fear comes upon you. In order words, you get to loose your man or woman.

Love seeks ways to give – love doesn’t seat around waiting to receive all the time- imagine a relationship or marriage with 2 lovers. Hmmmm now this leaves a lot to be desired. I guess the sky would be the starting point in terms of joy and happiness because they always put the other person first by seeking ways to please them.

Love protects – Love has always got your back. Love doesn’t bash you in your absence. Love will go over and beyond to protect the beloved even if it means praying for the beloved.

Love builds up and does not prey upon the weaknesses of the supposed beloved.

Love believes the best in the loved. It spurs you on to be the best person that you could possibly be.

If someone loves you, they should be interested in everything that concerns you. I am not saying that they must love your job but at least they should be interested enough to have an idea about what you do and why you do what you do. For those who already have kids, if someone loves you, they should also be able to love and be interested in your kids.

Love causes a lady to blossom and guys to whistle. I guess it brings some form of music in the air.

Having listed all the beautiful things about love, I know that it is possible to find love and one sure way to finding love is searching for someone who knows and loves God. 1john 4:8 says “He who does not love, does not know God for God is love”. I’ll go a step further to say that he or she who doesn’t know God isn’t capable of receiving the dividends of love even if it’s being handed over to them on a platter of gold.

Yes I agree with the songs, the novels, the magazines the movies and other instruments of love proclaiming that love is such a beautiful thing, it exists, it can be found  and can be experienced but it has to be found in the right way. What do you think?

Copyright @ Jaelash July, 2012

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Write the Vision

 

Habakkuk 2:2 “Write the VISION make it plain that he may run who reads it” I love this passage so much. Many people apply this scripture in one form or another. The project manager would call it the scope statement, the engineers or architect will call it plan or blueprint, the business mogul calls it mission statement while the Christians or religious people call it vision.

The names are interchangeable it actually depends on what each entity, profession or individual decides to call it. I just wanted to state a fact that people apply this scripture in one way or the other.
A man who wants to be successful will spend quality time making his wife understand his visions and goals because once she does and her spirit catches unto it, she will move the heavens and earth to see that vision come to pass.

Once she understands the plan and her spirit catches unto to it, there is no limit to what can be accomplished. Note she doesn’t take over your job but seeks ways to enhance it. Just give her something to work with and your proverbs 31 woman will go over and aboard to make it happen.
A real woman will pray about the vision, she will think and meditate on the ideas that have been shared with her and after thinking, she will come back to you and bounce ideas with you which could trigger some new thought processes and ideas.
She also creates a conducive environment for you to work that is why you find most women taking care of the home front (even if they have a well paying job) so that their husbands can go out, confront, conquer and bring in the goods.
I read about the proverbs 31 woman again and realized that she was actually on a mission to accomplish something and I noticed that all she was doing was making sure that her home functioned at an optimum level. In other words her home had everything it needed and more. I encourage all men to give their wives something to work with. Do not let her dry up or waste away. Women are born with the innate ability to process stuff and produce useful results. All you need to do is sow something. In this case you sow an idea or a vision.
I often hear men say ‘my wife doesn’t get it’, ‘we are not on the same page’ etc. Some say they want their wives to be stay at home moms but their wives want to become career women. Men before you get married; during courtship you should already have a plan or Vision and share it with your wives to be. Habakkuk 2:2 “Write the vision, make it plain that he may run who reads it” at least the woman will have an idea on what she is getting into. Do not blind side her and expect her to go along with your plans happily.
If you have plans for a smoother transition to success you need to have a plan and let her in on it before you get married and if you are already married, it’s not too late to develop one and I believe you will be well on your way to success.

Copyright @ Jaelash  July, 2012

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Recreating your world

 

I often hear people make statements like they are old enough to get married; they are going to get married when they have a steady source of income blah blah and some more blah. On this particular day I came across a guy who kept on going on and on about how ready he was for marriage.

While I was sitting down and thinking about what to say to him,  I let my imagination run and while i kept pondering on the issue at hand, i came to point where i started to  wonder if he actually knew what he wanted in marriage and if he did, how was he going about getting what he desired after all there were lots of random women out there and marriage spans a life time: going after any random or available woman wouldn’t just cut it.

I knew he said he was old enough, I believe he was financially stable but I kept wondering if being old enough and being financially stable were the only criteria for determining someone’s readiness for marriage.

Don’t get me wrong these are must haves and I wouldn’t expect you to get married to a whining cry baby or get married to a lady and then make her starve in your house.

I knew he had an idea of what marriage was but I kept wondering if he had thought about the specific components that would make up his home.

Had he ever sat down to imagine how the relationship between himself, his wife and kids would be?  Had he thought about the kind of countenance he would want his wife to have, what were his predominant thoughts about his relationship with his wife what did he envision his kids becoming in the future? These questions also apply to the ladies.

Proverbs 23:7 says “As a man thinketh in his heart so is he”. Our thoughts are so powerful that they create a physical structure in our lives and as you go on in life you come across lots of things and people that would want to identify with you but if these things or people do not fit into the structure you have created, they gravitate or fall away. Likewise, if you get employed in a well structured organization and you can’t conform to the rules and regulations of the organization, there are two things that would most likely happen. You either quit your job or you get fired from the organization. Either way you are out.

For those that feel like they have been rejected or made inferior in their relationships, the thing is, you just don’t fit into the person’s structure. It may either be a good thing or a bad thing it depends on how you choose to see it. There is this quote I love so much “you can’t fix a square peg in a round hole”. At this point I know someone will ask me this question. Why are players very popular with the ladies? The answer is simple. They are popular with them because they have trained themselves to believe that they can get any girl they want.

The key word here is TRAIN. Whenever you want to venture into a new terrain be it marriage, business, etc in as much as you spend more time researching to know the pros and cons of this chosen area, spend ample time meditating on the desired outcome. Remember as a man thinketh in his heart so he becomes and remember even if the negative shows up you have so much positive vibe in you that will be strong enough to knock off the bad.

Finally if you do not tailor your thoughts to suit your hearts’ desires, your life would end up being a dump site for any and everything; be it good or bad. I encourage you to spend time creating or recreating your world with your thoughts or live with the consequences.

Copyright @ Jaelash  June, 2012

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Do Not Cut Him Out

I was flipping through the web and stumbled upon this bible passage John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” And I started looking at it from the marriage point of view and was amazed at how many people including Christians leave God out of their marriages. Even those planning to get married leave God out of their marriage plans. I am not even talking about seeking God’s face when picking out a life partner we would have to leave that for another day. I am talking about the little stuff like holding hands and speaking God’s words into your marriage or potential marriage.

It’s amazing but true that people plan to get married without getting the author of marriage himself involved or they get married and move around like God doesn’t exist and when trouble shows up they begin to panic because they have either been disconnected from their source (God) or they were not connected at all in the first place.
I can imagine trying to turn on the light bulb when the power has been disconnected for not paying your electricity bills or expecting your house to be powered by electricity when no connection has been established prior to this time. You and I both know that that’s not going to happen. You either have to pay your electricity bills or you get some power connection in your house.

All I am trying to say is this….. God is the life line of every marriage do not cut him out or forget to continuously include him in yours, let alone plan to get married without getting him involved because marriage can be likened to a very long ride and believe me you are going to need his company along the way. Do yourself a favor and DO NOT CUT HIM OUT you are going to need him.

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