I read a Facebook status update some time ago that said “a successful marriage is made up of two people who know how to forgive” and I just stumbled upon another one that talked about how the inability to let the past go hinders successful marriages.

All these are good and true however whenever I come across messages such as these, my mind goes out to those whose spouses repeatedly commit certain crimes against them and continually seek forgiveness for the same thing.

The fact that someone apologizes over something does not necessarily mean that they have changed.

Anyone seeking forgiveness should be repentant. Repentance involves reviewing your actions admitting they were wrong and making a personal commitment to turn away from such an action. So before you seek forgiveness, be ready to change your ways.

Usually when you seek forgiveness from a spouse, kid, friend or even God the general idea should be this will not happen again. When you seek forgiveness for the same thing over and over again it becomes quite difficult to forgive or let go because this is a constant reminder of your failed promises.

Most times the habitual forgiveness seeker has mastered the art of seeking forgiveness such that they know the soft spot of the offended so they tend to use the soft spot to gain forgiveness.

There is so much an offended person can take and when the person gets to his or her limit you will be tossed aside like a sack of potatoes either physically or emotionally in order words you seize to be relevant to them .

God calls people to change from their negative ways. He calls us to repentance if you change then that’s good but if you do not and you keeping on wasting precious time by the time you are ready it may be too late.

Things to note about repentance

• The longer it takes for you change your ways, the deeper the wounds and the longer it takes to mend broken fences.
• The earlier it takes place, the earlier you begin to foster positive growth and yield good results

Things to note when seeking forgiveness

•  You are seeking forgiveness for something you want to stay in the past and not something that keeps reoccurring.
• When seeking forgiveness, you should note that there is a difference between the PAST and PRESENT CONTINOUS. The past is gone and never to return while the present continuous happened in the past, just happened and the habitual forgiveness seeker probably took a break to nurse the guilty conscience for a while and would most likely repeat the crime.
• We are humans and we make mistakes however the PAST is not a habit but the PRESENT CONTINOUS is.

DISCLAIMER: I am in no way inciting unforgiveness between Couples I am only saying that it’s unfair to keep on toying with another person’s emotions all in the name of forgiveness.

Intro: Definition of the home:

1. Little boy’s: “It’s where we eat!”
2. Teenage girl’s: “It’s where we go between midnight & daybreak when all else is closed.”
3. Husband: “It is where we go to fight our private battles.”
4. Wife: “It is where we slave the hardest and are appreciated the least.”
5. “Home is where the great is small and the small is great.”
6. “Home is where our stomachs get three meals a day and our hearts a thousand.”
7. “Home is a place where a world of strife is shut out and a world of love shut in.”
8. “Home is where we complain the most, but have the greatest blessings.”

Expect not thy husband to give thee as many luxuries as thy father hath given thee after many years of hard labor. (Phil 4:11; Amos 4:1)

Thou shalt work hard to build thy house with the husband that you have, not fantasizing about “the one that could have been”. (Prov 14:1)

1. Fond Footsteps. I was visiting friends who had just celebrated their 54th wedding anniversary” The husband entered in his work boots, heaving clods of dirt behind him on the spotless kitchen floor. Expecting the wife to be upset, I said, “His boots certainly do bring the dirt in.” “Yes,” she said with a smile as she got up to get the broom. “But they bring him in too.” by Shirley Scott

Thou shalt not nag…hit him with thine frying pan, it is kindlier. (Prov 27:15; 21:19)

Thou shalt coddle thy husband and be a warm wife. (1 Cor 7:3-5)

The wife should not defaud the husband of his due. We know what the guys never grow tired of

What due does a man owe his wife?

• To woo and coddled
• bring flowers
• tell her how pretty she is
• take her out on romantic dinners
• tell her how much you love her
• tell her how much she means to you
• You know…all the things you did when you were dating!
• Do women ever go tired of these things? Its a bottomless pit. Seems silly to a man
• Until he forgets her birthday or VALENTINES DAY HINT.
• Husband says: “I know how much you and your girl friend Marsha love this stuff
• Why don’t the two of you buy each other flowers and go out on a candle lit dinner?

Remember that the frank approval of thy husband is more to thee than the side glances of many strangers. (Ezek 16:32; 2 Pet 2:14)

Thou shalt not yell at thy husband but will be a gentle and quiet spirit. (1 Pet 3:1-4)

1. I have counseled a couple where the wife natters at the husband and he leaves for another room. She follows him into that room and continues nattering. He kept going from room, floor to floor, till finally he hit her. She wasn’t hurt or bruised, but he should have just left. But did the wife share in the reason for getting hit?

Permit no one to assure thee that thou art having a hard time of it. (1 Pet 5:9)

1. Husbands: Low self esteem was ranked as the number one problem among women.
2. Ask your wife after church today if she feels you respect and feel she is important!

Thou shall not fail to dress up for thy husband with an eye to please him, as thou didst before marriage. (Sos 4:9-11)

1. I have a saying, that a women enters middle age when she cuts off her long hair very short.

Thou shalt submit to thy husband from thy heart and allow him to be head of the household. (Col 3:18; 1 Pet 3:6; Eph 5:33)

DO IT YOURSELF!

In Gen 18:6 Abraham said to Sarah, “Make ready quickly, three measures of fine meal, knead it and make cakes.” Can you imagine Sarah answering, “Do it yourself”? This attitude would have been out of character for her because “Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord.” 1 Pe 3:6 A wife’s big test of faith is if she will submit to her husband when he is unreasonable and selfish, or when she knows she is being wrongs by his attitude. Jesus never asks us to do anything He has not already done Himself! Bible subjection never implies inferiority but rather strength!

Thou shalt assure thy husband and others that he is the greatest man alive. (Phil 2:3; Sos 5:9-16)

if you missed the 10 commandments for husbands here it is

http://jaelash.com/10-commandments-husbands/

Culled from http://www.bible.ca/f-10com-wife.htm

Ten commandments for husbands

INTRO:

1. The Bible is God’s “instruction manual” for happy human living. There is no other book on earth that will bring about inner peace and eternal life. One thing that most men have in common is that they are married.
2. Unfortunately, because we live in an “amoral” (morally neutral) society, most who enter into marriage have little training. Isn’t it bizarre that a doctor trains for 7 years, a teacher 4 but there is virtually no training for becoming a husband. You can’t take a course in university that certifies you as a husband…the closest you can come is a “bachelors” degree.
3. Here are 10 principles for husbands that are found within the Bible.

COMMANDMENT #1:

Thou shalt not take thy wife for granted, but will honour and respect her as thy equal. (1 Pet 3:7)

1. Husband, are you treating your wife as an equal and granting her your highest honor? If not God says he will not answer your prayers!
2. Selfishness is a marriage killer. For many men they think they are better than their wife simply because they are men. These men have made a serious judgment error. Husbands, tell your wife how important and valuable she is to you. Watch for the loving smile on her face when you do! The Proverbs writer said, “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.” Prov 31:10-11 Notice how the wise husband trusts his wife’s judgments and realizes how fortunate he is to have her.

COMMANDMENT #2:

Thy highest allegiance, except God, shall be to thy wife, not thy relatives or friends. (Gen 2:24)

1. How often does the husband honor his blood family over his own wife?
2. Such is a recipe for disaster!
3. In-law problems are often the result of a husband who allows his mother and father to interfere in his relationship with his wife.

COMMANDMENT #3:

Thou shalt frequently tell thy wife how important & valuable she is to thee. (Phil 2:3; Prov 31:10-11)

1. Selfishness is a marriage killer. For many men they think they are better than their wife simply because they are men. These men have made a serious judgment error. Husbands, tell your wife how important and valuable she is to you. Watch for the loving smile on her face when you do! The Proverbs writer said, “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.” Prov 31:10-11 Notice how the wise husband trusts his wife’s judgments and realizes how fortunate he is to have her.
2. God gave women the authority to make important decisions too:

• They are workers in and managers of the home:
• 1 Ti 5:14: (Greek: oijkodespotevw “to rule/manage the house”)
• Tit 2:5 (Greek: oikodespotes literally, “house ruler”)
• A wife’s judgment can be better than her husbands: Nabal & Abigail: 1 Sam 25:3,17,25,32

1. Sleepless in Seattle (movie) Radio commentator asks man who was missing his dead wife, “Tell me about your wife”. “How many hours do you have?” Immediately 3000 single women jammed the radio station switchboard trying to get his number for a date! Why Because he was sincerely praising his wife! Why did they want to date a complete stranger? Because the one thing they knew was that this man possessed the rare quality of praising his female companion. If he did it for his former wife…he would do it for them!
2. Judith Viorst: “Brevity may be the soul of wit, but not when someone’s saying “I love you.,’ When someone’s saying “I love you,” he always ought to give a lot of details: Why does he love you? How much does he love you? When and where did he first begin to love you? Favourable comparisons with all other women he ever loved are also welcome. And even though he insists it would take forever to count the ways in which he loves you, let him start counting.” ­ Redbook

COMMANDMENT #4:

Thou shalt hold thy wife’s love by the same means that thou won it. (SOS 5:10-16)

1. Men persue their future bride with doting ceaseless attention. Once married the husband views marriage as a goal accomplished an on to other of life’s challenges. He then gives his ceaseless doting attention to the job, the boys or anything but his wife. She on the other hand viewed marriage not as a goal met, but as the beginning of a relationship. She viewed his doting attention as a down payment of attentions to come. He viewed it as a means to merely get her to say “I DO”.
2. This guy really WON the love of his future wife. He looked good because he groomed his appearance for her. He smelled good, because he regularly bathed and gargled. And he spoke words of “sweetness” to his love. But give many husbands a few years of marriage and they let their appearance and hygiene slip. But worst of all the sweetness towards their wife is gone. The wife proclaims to her friends, “Did he ever change after we said ‘I do’!” Guys, if you want the nights to be hot, you best start warming up your wife in the day with words of kindness.
3. Buy your wife flowers on a regular basis.

COMMANDMENT #5:

Thou shalt actively establish family discipline with thy wife’s help. (2 Timothy 3:15; Ephesians 6:4; Deuteronomy 6:6-9)

1. Few would argue that the wife is the primary parent involved in the daily task of interacting with the children. But God has placed the father as the head of the household and that means that you must work hard along side of your wife in establishing family discipline. Many fathers leave the majority of the work of raising the kids up to the wife. In child custody cases, the mother almost always get control of the kids, not because she is a better parent, but because she is the one who has been most involved with them. God commands fathers in Ephesians 6:4 “And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” You must be directly involved with your children. And then be careful not to “provoke” them to anger, because you have not really taken the time to understand exactly what happened and why. Some fathers alienate their children because they hastily dish out too harsh a punishment because they want to get back to their TV show or reading the paper. To these husbands, children are an interruption imposed upon him by the wife. Sad indeed.
2. Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it. Prov 22:6
3. POEM: “PLEASE, DADDY, WON’T YOU GO?”

• A little girl’s bright shining eyes with face aglow,
• Says: “Daddy, It’s time for church-Let’s Go!
• They teach us there of Jesus’ love, of how he died for all,
• Upon the cruel cross to save those who on Him will call.”
• “Oh, no,” said Daddy, “Not today. I’ve worked hard all week,
• And I must have one day of rest; and I’m going to the creek.
• For there I can relax and rest; and fishing is fine they say.
• So run along; don’t bother me, we’ll go to church some day.”
• Well months and years have passed away,
• but Daddy hears that plea no more;
• “Let’s go to Bible school.” Those childhood days are over.
• And Daddy’s grown old, life’s almost through,
• He finds time to go to church, but what does daughter do?
• She says: “Oh Daddy, not today-I stayed up half the night;
• I know you know that church can wait…you understand my plight!
• Then Daddy lifts a trembling hand to brush away the tears,
• As again he hears the pleading voice, distinctly through the years.
• He sees a small girl’s shining face upturned, with eyes aglow,
• As she says, “It’s time for Bible school; please,
• Daddy, won’t you go?”
• (Author Unknown)

COMMANDMENT #6:

Thou shalt remember to do all the little things for thy wife when you say you will. (Mt 5:37)

1. Jesus instructs all Christians, “let your statement be, ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no’ and anything beyond these is of evil.” Mt 5:37. Husbands, when you say you will do something for your wife, have the consideration to do it! Why should she justifiably nag you?
2. Your wife shouldn’t have to get you to sign some binding oath to get you to make the bed, take out the garbage or take her out to dinner as you agreed. By doing what you say you will, you earn her trust in other areas.
3. Ever wonder why your wife reacts is a funny way?

COMMANDMENT #7:

Keep thine eyes on thy own wife, not thy neighbors. (Prov 5:15-20; Job 31:1; Jer 5:8)

1. The Proverbs writer says it this way, “Drink water from your own cistern, And fresh water from your own well… Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love.” Prov 5:15-20
2. The ultimate sacrifice that a woman makes in child bearing is her figure. And the media is filled with 17 year old models who are not yet graduated high school and never done a hard days work in their life!
3. Job was wise when he said, “I Have made a covenant with my eyes; How then could I gaze at a virgin?”
4. Job 31:1 But we find that for many, the words of Jeremiah apply, “They were well-fed lusty horses, Each one neighing after his neighbor’s wife.” Jer 5:8

COMMANDMENT #8:

Thou shalt make every effort to see things from thy wife’s point of view. (Gen 21:12)

1. Abraham is a man whose wife actually called him “lord”. Sarah had an insight on a personal family matter and Abraham felt that she was wrong. “But God said to Abraham, “Do not be distressed because of the lad and your maid; whatever Sarah tells you, listen to her” Gen 21:12. Did you catch that? God told Abraham to obey his wife! He had not taken the time to see things from her point of view. Husbands and wives often live and think in different worlds. A wise husband will “listen” to his wife before God steps in and forces him to. Foolish husbands are arrogant “power-trippers” who know it all, refuse to listen to their wife and fall flat on their face.
2. “Live with her in an understanding way since she is a woman” 1 Pe 3:7

COMMANDMENT #9:

Thou shalt not fail to kiss thy wife every morning. (SOS 8:1)

1. Do you know why the “kiss and ride” commuter drop off area’s are so popular? Just ask the wives who drop off their husbands for work. A recent TV program documented that the wives loved it. Here they had a “legitimate” reason to expect a kiss from their husband. Husband, when you leave the house for work, give her a kiss. When you come home, tell her you love her and give her another kiss.
2. Here, in the Song of Solomon, a future wife speaks of her love and desire for a kiss. “If I found you outdoors, I would kiss you; No one would despise me, either.” Sos 8:1

COMMANDMENT #10:

Thou shalt not be stingy with thy wife when it comes to money. (Esther 5:3)

1. King Ahasuerus was married to Queen Esther. Look how generous he was with his wife! He said to her, “What is troubling you, Queen Esther? And what is your request? Even to half of the kingdom it will be given to you.” Esther 5:3
2. Now in modern marriage law, many might wonder why this man is being praised for giving his wife the half that already belonged to her. However, back then this was an incredible offer of generosity! How many wives have to grovel and beg for a few dollars while he lavishly spends on himself

Culled from http://www.bible.ca/f-10com-husb.htm

Love means different things to different people, some are for love, and some are not. Some people who claim to hate it still go out in search of it. Almost everyone talks about love; they sing about it, write about it, preach it and even fight for it. Some people describe love as a temporary butterfly feeling in your stomach when you see the person you are supposed to be in love with. This makes me wonder what happens when the butterfly feeling is no longer there.

The truth in a nutshell is this: too many people struggle with the idea called love, they get into relationships hoping to find love but are actually unsure as to what love actually is. Here are some salient truths about love

Love is patient – If someone actually loves you they will be patient with you. Ask all the lovers out there and they will tell you the amount of ‘crap’ they take from their loved ones, they may also tell you that they wouldn’t be able to take an ounce of it from someone that they are not crazy about. Note if you are dating someone who is always impatient, now that’s a definite RED FLAG.

Love is kind not vicious or malicious.

Love covers multitudes of sin – in order words it forgives. Beware of people who keep up dredging up the past. If you can’t move beyond the past hurts it means there can be no future; so call it quits and stop wasting precious time.

Love is fearless – The bible says perfect loves casts out all fear. If you are in a relationship and you always feel threatened by the other man or woman you need to address such issues as soon as possible before that which you fear comes upon you. In order words, you get to loose your man or woman.

Love seeks ways to give – love doesn’t seat around waiting to receive all the time- imagine a relationship or marriage with 2 lovers. Hmmmm now this leaves a lot to be desired. I guess the sky would be the starting point in terms of joy and happiness because they always put the other person first by seeking ways to please them.

Love protects – Love has always got your back. Love doesn’t bash you in your absence. Love will go over and beyond to protect the beloved even if it means praying for the beloved.

Love builds up and does not prey upon the weaknesses of the supposed beloved.

Love believes the best in the loved. It spurs you on to be the best person that you could possibly be.

If someone loves you, they should be interested in everything that concerns you. I am not saying that they must love your job but at least they should be interested enough to have an idea about what you do and why you do what you do. For those who already have kids, if someone loves you, they should also be able to love and be interested in your kids.

Love causes a lady to blossom and guys to whistle. I guess it brings some form of music in the air.

Having listed all the beautiful things about love, I know that it is possible to find love and one sure way to finding love is searching for someone who knows and loves God. 1john 4:8 says “He who does not love, does not know God for God is love”. I’ll go a step further to say that he or she who doesn’t know God isn’t capable of receiving the dividends of love even if it’s being handed over to them on a platter of gold.

Yes I agree with the songs, the novels, the magazines the movies and other instruments of love proclaiming that love is such a beautiful thing, it exists, it can be found  and can be experienced but it has to be found in the right way. What do you think?

Copyright @ Jaelash July, 2012